Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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