sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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