guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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