i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
