Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
