i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
