At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
