Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it's like heaven, but drunker
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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