I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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