fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
