I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
