So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
