My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
nutella sex= disaster
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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