could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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