So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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