Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
