This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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