Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
