plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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