I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
