just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
