I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
