I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
