youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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