the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Of course I have a pirate flag
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize