All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
3 2 1 whiskey
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
