I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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