I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
