How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
