My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
