Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize