I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
