we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
