I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
