i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
