Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
