can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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