all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
