literally had 100 drinks last night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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