Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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