I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
