omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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