i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
