a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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