Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
