also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
