I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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