I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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