It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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