I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
