So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
