Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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