My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
