I hate all girls vehemently.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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