your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
