I cannot find my penis.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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