You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
