if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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