can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
