Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
