I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
