i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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