i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
