Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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