So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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