Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize