Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
