the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
