I'm gonna have a badass scar
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
