I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
