oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
